Newcastle United The Take Over Part 2

“The Conspiracy of Perpetual Contempt”
I was having an argument, via emails, with my mate James in Australia over the proposed Saudi takeover of Newcastle United. Unlike 97% of us he was against it because he has principles and couldn’t shrug off the allegations of murder, torture, violent homophobia and ingrained misogyny as easily as most of us can. He finally said, “F*** it take the money” after I wrote something like: People take cocaine. People take cocaine despite knowing full well that the process of getting that shitty drug into their orifice of choice involves blood money, exploitation, misery, violence and death. People, by the thousand, think “I look forward to turning myself into an obnoxious prick because I need to feel something that isn’t (looks around at own life) this.” People are bored of their shit lives. People don’t want to spend time wondering if Steve Bruce should play Dwight Gayle or Joelinton when they could be wondering if Mauricio Pochettino will play Kylian Mbappe or Erling Haaland and coming up with the delightful answer of “both”.
My main concern from the start was that the deal got done before the Saudis worked out that “Sportswashing” doesn’t and can’t work at Newcastle, like it has done at Chelsea, Manchester City and Paris SG, because of The Conspiracy of Perpetual Contempt. “Oh here we go with the conspiracy theories” says the Guardian’s Barry Glendenning (whom I love btw) and I say “Barry, it’s not a theory if I can prove it. Watchmenow!”
Newcastle United’s last 14 Monday night games have been away from home. You think that shit happens by accident or coincidence? Take a minute to think what that means, what the thought process is behind it and tell me it’s not deliberate, organised, contempt.
Boom.
(Drops mic)
(Picks mic up again)
When people say “Steve Bruce has done a good job at Newcastle”, they mean “He’s done a good enough job for the likes of you, he’s obviously not going to get the job of managing Tottenham” – that’s the Conspiracy of Perpetual Contempt right there. So boring and ingrained that the people involved in enforcing it don’t even notice.
And my main concern came to pass because the Conspiracy of Perpetual Contempt did for the deal. The Premier League didn’t want to make a decision so they didn’t. They happily could let us dangle because that is what our narrative is supposed to involve, endless boring misery. Imagine if the club being taken over by the Saudis was Arsenal and try and tell me it wouldn’t have been rubberstamped immediately and I won’t believe you.
I didn’t expect this takeover to make Newcastle a good team. Frankly the Saudi’s are bloody idiots, other murderous despotic regimes presumably shake their heads with embarrassment at them. They are probably no worse than killer governments in Qatar or Russia and historically they are not in the same league as the US or the UK but they are crass and clumsy and don’t hide the bodies very well. You wouldn’t be surprised to see Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman wearing Jamal Khashoggi’s shoes and trying on his favourite hat.
When Qatar bought Paris Saint Germain they also managed to imbed themselves in UEFA, steal a World Cup, brazenly break Financial Fair Play Rules and … bang… Champions League Final. Our lot couldn’t even manage the “buy football club” bit.
Manchester City is brilliantly run and they employ experts at every level of the club. Anyone claiming that their player of the season is anybody other than the lawyer who overturned their European ban for financial doping, hiding the evidence and obstructing the investigation is lying. We can talk about David Silva (if we ignore the persistent tactical fouls and relentless whining) but the lawyers are the ones who pulled off, what should have been, impossible.
A Saudi backed Newcastle would have been catastrophic with a magic money tree; we would pay the asking price for the overpriced vanity purchases (who used to be good but now clubs want rid of but nobody can afford their wages) from every team in Europe. Our starting 11 would include Alexi Sanchez, Mesut Ozil, David Luiz, Ronaldo, Gareth Bale and three defenders from Manchester City who we had all forgotten existed. They would all be on insane wages, our remarkable team spirit (and it is) would be destroyed and we would be shambolic laughing stock. But at least it would be interesting. Nobody is laughing at the minute because we are all so bloody bored.
And that’s the real shame of this failed takeover – the existence we’re condemned to without it.